So... It's been a while. Alot has changed in just mere months. I find myself now, in Denver, partly due to situation, but greatly because I caused the situation. Houston just didn't feel right the more I thought about it. I miss Washington alot, but I have seen and felt myself grow as a person. Just having the tenacity and security in myself to take a huge leap away from that which I have known all my life has shown me how much I have grown. While everyone else is scared and safe, I struggle and grow. It hurts alot of the time, but they're called growing pains for a reason. 

I stayed in bed til 3 today.
I listened to the rain washing the world's cares away.
It invoked day dreams of yesterday,
And beckoned my soul out to play...

I stayed in bed til 3 today,
Listening to what the rain drops had to say.
They whispered words of wiser days,
And echoed remnants of simpler ways...

Sometimes I wish I could just shut everyone around me, out. I hate feeling so irritable and cranky all the time, but I feel like no one gets me. The hardest thing is trying to be nice to the people who love me. I know I shouldn't take their feelings forgranted, but I feel like they take me forgranted. I'm tired of everyone. I'm tired of men feeling entitled to me because they like what they see. I'm tired of friends and family assuming that I need their advice on everything. It's maddening.
I'm not you, so quit telling me "If I were you, I would..." I don't give a fuck! Just because you think I'm pretty and bought me a drink doesn't mean I owe you a fucking kiss, let alone going home with you. I don't owe anything to anyone except myself. I owe it to myself to shut you all out, and do what is going to make me my best. I owe it to my horses to make sure they are well loved and cared for. No one else depends on me, I have no children, nor do I want any. I have no husband, nor do I care to have one... I just want to smile, laugh and live life to the fullest without feeling objectified, and having my intelligence patronized.

I'm not even really sure why I write a blog. Creative outlet I guess. I feel like it's too serious sometimes, but I suppose that's because I don't write about the little mundane things that pass through my mind. Besides, the funny things are always "should have been there" moments, or inside jokes. So why not capture the the things that no one else notices...

Some things I just can't explain. Actually, most things I can't explain... Yeah, that is accurate. People try to be experts on everything, not me. I'm just a simple girl trying to hang on to the things I do know, and know them better. Sure, it would be nice to be an expert at something, but really, is it that important to know more than anyone else? I just want to be happy. More than anything, I just want peace of mind.
I want to know without a doubt in my mind that I love my man, and he loves me just as much. That I have someone to trust and tell everything. I've never had that. My peace of mind will come with knowing I can drop my guard and just be me. I'd give anything to have that and keep it alive.

In all my long(haha) twenty four years, I've come to learn that it's not about the money in my pocket or the things I have. In fact, it's not even about where I am at, or what I live in... It's about the people who surround me and the kind of experiences I give myself.
I always joked with myself that jaded wasn't such a bad thing, and honestly, some of the memories hurt so bad sometimes, but I wouldn't trade what I know now for my innocence again. Through all my trial and error, I have learned good people are what make life worth while, and great experiences worth having; Like when I lived out of my car in Seattle with my dog and worked at REI. My friends from that chapter will always have a very special place in my heart and memories, no matter how far apart we get. Rusty was my mentor and Tony was my play mate and fellow wild aries spirit. No matter how broke Tony and I were we managed to have fun and help each other out when we needed it most. I'm pretty sure there was a time he gave me his last $20 to make sure I was fed, and a time I had hardly a dime for gas but drove with him through snow to get his car from a shop hours from Seattle in the mountains full of snow.
Houston may be nothing like Seattle, but the people I've found here are my family. I'm going to miss lush, green Washington, and the unique Northwest culture that's been bred into me; but I feel so at home with Southern hospitality, that I just may secretly be a Southern bell.
Don't worry, I'll never lose my Northwest snowboarder flair, and I just might have to rock Birkenstocks and socks this winter, just to throw off all the Texans. ;-) I can't wait to start a new chapter of my life with my new friends, and new memories with my old friends and family.

Sometimes, the ambiguity of my heart leads me into confusion. Maybe that could be said of most people. I, however, have found very few people that are just as comfortable in high society and city settings as they are with the rough and ready redneck crowd. It's a hard duality to find in people, and I posses them both.
It makes for an interesting love life. I've dated pretty boys, and rough neck boys. All equally smart, and attractive to me, but each in their own way, and none bridging the gap into both worlds. I want a man who isn't afraid to get dirty changing breaks and oil, or spending the day fishing. I also want a man who doesn't mind cleaning up to go on a date in the city, out to a club, or even to a symphony.
I like art museums as much as I like backpacking. I like cleaning horse stalls, I find it theraputic. I like playing dress up and going out dancing all night at a swanky club. I miss fishing with my Dad. I miss going to the symphony with him, too. The curse of my parents raising a VERY well rounded daughter is the desire to do it all, and want a companion who will, too.